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帮我评论下我的雅思作文(用雅思的标准),评分,评语,改正语法,越细越好同样的题目我写了2篇,不知哪种风格好,Inmanycountries,childrenparticipatesinsomepaidworkintheirsparetime.Somepeoplethinkthisi
更新时间: 2025-08-18 11:23:33
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帮我评论下我的雅思作文(用雅思的标准),评分,评语,改正语法,越细越好

同样的题目我写了2篇,不知哪种风格好,

Inmanycountries,childrenparticipatesinsomepaidworkintheirsparetime.Somepeoplethinkthisiswrong,butothersbelievethatsuchworkwillextendthechildren'sknowledgeandimprovetheirsenseofresponsibility.

Whatisyouropinion?

Inthecontemporarysociety,agreatdealofattentionispaidforchildrentoengageinsomepaidworkintheirsparetime.Inmyopinion,childrenenjoypaidworkintheirsparetime,whichwillnotonlybenefitpersonalcompetencebutalsoenrichhorizonandcultivatesenseofobligationfortheirdevelopment.Admittedly,Iendorsethisopinion.

Recently,abulkofcompanieseagertoemployworkerswhohavehands-onexperience,thereforeitisanopportunityforchildrenenrichingtheirworkingexperiencethroughenjoyingthepaidworkintheirsparetime.Anditisalsoachancetogettoknowhotmuchstressexistedhowarduoustomakelivinginthesociety,afterthattheymaymorecherishtheiropportunitytostudy.Andfrompaidworkchildrenstillcouldcultivatetheirskillofcommunicationandteam-collaboratedspirits,whichcalibrecouldnotbeattainedintheregularcourseatschool.

Ontheotherhand,thereisapointshouldbeconcernedofchildrenparticipatingpaidwork.Forchildrentheirmaincommissionistostudynottowork.Sohowtohandlethetime,andhowtocontrolthequantityofpaidworkthatshouldbeconsidered.

Overall,myviewisthatchildrenshouldbeboostedtoentailmorepaidworksintheirsparetime.Butdonotletthepaidworksaffecttheirstudying.(221字)(看了慎小嶷的书,说,有的人写完作文感觉不错,但是从学术角度看只值5分)帮我看看,

另一篇,因为字数要求有限制所以另起一篇

程艳凤回答:
  childrenparticipates是复数没s..哦是题目啊.   5分有的.
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